


Foul Play

by lunambulism



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: (Not really oops), Bastardzaya, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Humor, Jealousy, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Simon being that one creepy dude who seems to know everythinG, Twin AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-25 16:53:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6203299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunambulism/pseuds/lunambulism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shizuo felt slightly ridiculous.</p>
<p>He’s been treated as a monster his entire life, swept into brutal gang fights, dyed his hair to look like a WWE wrestler, and, hell, even taunted by Izaya, who can induce mental instability for anyone who shares a room with him for more than two hours, yet what Shizuo’s facing now is far, far worse than any of the above.</p>
<p>He was going to ask Hachimenroppi to marry him.</p>
<p>And he’s going to need Izaya’s blessing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Foul Play

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dayzaya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dayzaya/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Mute Button, Please.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6050199) by [Dayzaya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dayzaya/pseuds/Dayzaya). 



> HELLO I PROMISED PI THIS FIC AGES AGO AND ONLY GOT AROUND TO TYPING IT UP A FEW WEEKS AGO BEFORE MY LAPTOP GOT INFECTED WITH A VIRUS.  
> I think it was around 2am when this idea jumped into my head..?  
> Title took longer for me to figure out than this entire damn fic.

Shizuo rang the doorbell, and the chirpy bell – irked him off, maybe – sounded once, then twice, and he stepped back and waited for the door to open.

He took a deep breath and tried to imagine himself anywhere but _here_ , here being the front of Orihara Izaya’s residence and with the white, white walls, the damn soft glow of ambient lights and the potted-fucking-plant in the corner and _everythingthatpissedhimoff_ -

_“Ah, if it isn’t Shizu-chan..?”_

 

Shizuo felt slightly ridiculous.

He’s been treated as a monster his entire life, swept into brutal gang fights, dyed his hair to look like a WWE wrestler, and, hell, even taunted by Izaya, who can induce mental instability for anyone who shares a room with him for more than two hours, yet what Shizuo’s facing now is far, far worse than any of the above.

 

He was going to ask Hachimenroppi to marry him.

And he’s going to need Izaya’s blessing.

-.-.-

“Take a seat, Shizu-chan, and I’ll make some tea. Try not to dissemble my couch while you’re at it, hm?” Izaya sneered with mirth, and Shizuo felt a vein explode every single second while being in this insect’s presence.

“Not if you make me..” Shizuo growled.

“Now, now, Shizu-chan, you wouldn’t be here without a reason, right? You’re lucky you came on a Saturday, where Namie isn’t here to eavesdrop on us.” Izaya grinned as he set down the tea, “Here to see Roppi? He's not home at the moment but would you like me to find the lube for you? I’m sure it’s in one of the drawers somewhere.”

“Izaya..”

“Or maybe I can book a room in a hotel for you two? I’m not particularly fond of washing the bed-sheets every time-”

“I need your blessing.”

“..Oh?” Izaya looked a little thrown off, and Shizuo felt a growing satisfaction inside him, “So you’ve decided to finally propose, huh?”

 

Shizuo blinked, slightly startled.

Izaya sounded.. serious?

 

“Well, Shizu-chan,” Take that back, _take that back,_ “You’re not getting it that easily,” Izaya laughed, smirk twisting on his face.

Shit.

-.-.-

“Name.”

“Orihara Hachimenroppi.”

“Birthday.”

“Fourth of May.”

 

_What the hell.._

 

“Favourite food.”

“Raw salmon.”

 

_..is this._

 

“Hobbies.” Izaya seemed oblivious to Shizuo’s internal turmoil as he calmly sipped his tea, “Likes, dislikes. Name them all.”

“Sightseeing, travelling-”

“ _In order_.”

“Did anyone ever tell you that you’re a controlling narcissist?!”

Izaya smirked, “I’m not controlling, I’m only aggressively helpful.”

“That’s the same thing-!”

 

“No, no, no, this isn’t working at all,” Izaya bit his lip and paused, “You want my blessing for your marriage, and you’re going to prove yourself for it.”

“Right..” Shizuo nodded and waited.

 

“..Ah!” Izaya stood up suddenly and clapped his hands, “ _I’ve got it!_ ”

“What,” Shizuo breathed doubtfully, “Are you plotting.”

Izaya, being all of the incarnation of dramatic he is, suddenly leaned in menacingly with that eternally unnerving smile pasted on his face and whispered, “You’re going to prove yourself worthy of being loyal to my dear twin brother, aren’t you?”

“Eh?”

“So!” Izaya leaned back, hands on hips, “You’re going to pretend to date _me_ for a day.. and if both you and Roppi can see through that, then I’ll arrange your marriage! How does that sound?” The informant sounded strangle giddy and excited, as if the thought and breaking Shizuo and Roppi apart amused him. Shizuo stared, dumbfounded, for a few seconds, before cracking his teacup – now full of cold tea, untouched in case of poison – and growling an animalistic _‘huuuuh?’_

“You heard me, Shizu-chan,” Izaya giggled, “You’re going to take good care of me, aren’t you, _honey_?”

 

Where did Shizuo put the aspirin again?

-.-.-

Roppi comes home to find silence.

“Izaya-nii?” He asks the empty air as he toes off his shoes and leaves them near the doorway, “Are you home?”

It was then that he noticed the small slip of paper blue-tacked onto the wall near him, and he peels it off with mild interest.

 

_Hachi,_

_Guess what? Shizu-chan came over today to give you some news~! But since you weren’t home at the time, we’ve gone out to get lunch. Meet us at Russia Sushi when you see this, ne?_

_Izaya._

 

“Well, shit,” Roppi mumbles, furrowing his brows together, “They actually went and got sushi together? That’s terrifying.”

Nevertheless, he threw on his shoes again and began to make his way to Ikebukuro, humming at the prospect of tender salmon sashimi and what he also needs to ask Shizuo.

-.-.-

“Say ‘ahh’, Shizu-chan! Come on, wider! Or do you want me to shove it down your nostrils instead, hm?”

To which Shizuo grunts sorely and tries to turn his head away from the piece of fatty tuna currently prodding and poking at his cheek, “What the hell, bastard?”

“But aren’t we going out? I’m supposed to do this kind of stuff in public, aren’t I?” Izaya mocks a pout and instead eats the tuna himself in one gulp.

Shizuo’s all too aware of the murmuring customers near them, some staring, others eyeing their friends and even a few phone camera clicks here and there. Simon, from the entryway, sneaks not-so-subtle glances at Izaya and Shizuo delightedly, and Shizuo shoots a scathing look which he can only hope transports the futile message of ‘this isn’t what it looks like, I absolutely swear – AND STOP LAUGHING THE TUNA SMELLS DISGUSTING.’

 

“One more time, honey-bunches. You’ve got to eat _something_ , sheesh!” The blonde debt-collector swears that Izaya’s related to Morgan Freeman or someone of the likes, with that astronomical acting skill of his.

“Sheesh, fine, just this once, you bastard,” Shizuo grumbles as he opens his mouth, and Izaya grins as he roughly shoves the piece of fish in.

“Hey – what the _hell_ -! You – oh..” Shizuo trails off from his anger as he starts to chew, “This is actually.. kinda good..”

“ _See_?” Izaya chirped, “Tuna’s so much better than salmon, right?”

Shizuo begrudgingly agreed.

 

“One more, yeah? Open up, dear.” Shizuo hated the informant’s – his _rival_ , goddammit – tooth-dropping sweet voice - the tuna, though..

 

In half a millisecond, Izaya’s smile flashed like a razor-blade – white and sharp and predatory.

“ _Shizuo..?_ ” Roppi’s wavering voice reaches Shizuo’s ears and the blonde gags.

-.-.-

“Shizuo..?” The words were out and away from his lips before he could take them back. Roppi looks wildly between Izaya and his boyfriend and gapes.

“Roppi!” Izaya waves cheerfully, smile distending almost painfully, but of course he doesn’t take much notice, “We saved you a seat! Hey, what are you standing there for? Roppi?”

“..Nii-san..” Roppi choked out, “Are you.. feeding Shizuo?”

“Why yes, of course, because he’s now my-”

“ _That’s great_!” Roppi laughed, “So you two are finally getting along with each other!”

Izaya stared for two seconds before cringing, “.. _Eh_?”

“Hey, is that salmon?”

“Ah, yeah, but-” Shizuo started off, but quickly got cut off.

“Oh, by the way, Shizuo, I’ve been talking to Tsukki about, you know, us,” Roppi twirled a chopstick around and there was a giddy sparkle in his eyes that Shizuo has never seen before, “We should get married soon, you know?”

 

Shizuo snaps his own chopsticks in half and looks bewilderedly at an equally wide-eyed Izaya.

 

“Are you two okay?”

Izaya snaps out of his trance and puts on a fake grin, “Yes, yes, we’re-” And for the umpteenth time, his words were gone unheeded.

“So, what do you say?” Roppi leans onto a flustered Shizuo and blinks questionably at Izaya.

 

After long seconds of an unspoken but agreed-to staring contest, Izaya sighs and rubs at his eyes, he whispers, “I’ve always been jealous of you two, you know.”

“Huh, what did you say?”

“ _So do you two want a June marriage booking or what_?” Izaya asks maybe just a little too fast.

Simon, from the doorway, nods approvingly.

**Author's Note:**

> Izaya in denial hurts me and gives me life.  
> //should be updating differentiate what the hell someone slap me/

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Hapless.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6216950) by [Dayzaya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dayzaya/pseuds/Dayzaya)




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